so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
