Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
