I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize