i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
