he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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