If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
