she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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