I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
