When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize