my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
