when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
