Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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