I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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