Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
