if you like me you must not know who I am
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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