dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Your dad touched me again.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
