My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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