It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
