before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
