We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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