By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We have started to decorate penises.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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