does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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