They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
