In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
