Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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