u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
