why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
