We won't sleep together?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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