The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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