I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
