omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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