he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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