I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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