I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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