I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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