hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
