I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
