just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
