Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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