I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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