I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
