He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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