If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
