well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
