Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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