oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
