Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
