Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
