I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
