so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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