I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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