told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
