i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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