I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
