my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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