I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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