Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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