i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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