You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
