remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize