Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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