Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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