when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I look better un-naked...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
