I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
